WOW. 2009 is gone. I’m sure everyone is tired of the constant break-downs and analysis of the year in terms of business and finances, as well as Jon amp; Kate, Kanye amp; Taylor, New Moon and the other ongoing drama around the country. I know I am. Personally, 2009 has to go down as the worst year ever – at least the first half. At the end of the day I can point to a lot of external factors, but if I’m being honest it comes down to a lot of emotional burnout, coupled with my own lack of “get off your butt and fix this” syndrome.br /br /It’s just that simple. br /br /If anyone reading this ends up writing a book on the perils and pitfalls of caring for a dying loved one, I’m your poster child. It almost cost me my marriage and health. The repercussions were long lasting and far reaching in ways I never expected. I don’t speak to key members of my family – and it’s doubtful I ever will. My husband and I separated for more than four months, he moved out and we sought counseling together and separately. There was a lot of anger and frustration – and the only thing that kept us from filing divorce was the fact that we didn’t have the filing fee. Fortunately, that bought us time and prayer and faith worked. Our faith and our marriage are stronger than ever – but it did cost us a house. Commuting back and forth in opposite directions was taking a toll on everyone, but stubbornly I wanted to stay in our house. It made far more sense to move to Port Aransas – 17 miles but, for me, an entire world away with a radically different style of living from my bedroom community. In an effort to make me happy, my husband worked as many as three jobs to try and keep the house – commuting and sleep deprived.nbsp; In the end, it just didn’t make any sense to try and chase a lifestyle that no longer worked for all of us, and so we chose to radically downsize losing 1000 square feet, 2 bedrooms, a garage and $250,000 mortgage. I count that (now) as a blessing in disguise but believe me – it was WELL hidden and it took me a while to reconcile that one. I was boastfully proud of my granite countertops, jacuzzi tub and Berber carpet and my Island address and lifestyle. br /br /Some might question the wisdom of sharing so much personal information – my husband sure does – but I know that during all of this I felt alone. I felt ashamed. I felt sad and I felt scared. I felt like a statistic. I had wonderful friends, but since I was the one that so many of them went to for answers my pride was deeply bruised and I didn’t open up, didn’t let them pray for me and I missed out on the wisdom of many friends. Those that did know were generous, loving and supportive – but there were also some that gossiped and reveled in my fall. For that I’m sad… but I’m sad for them. They’ve missed the opportunity to see what God can do. He is the lifter of my head and the restorer of my soul. So, I share this very personal note without shame or regret – with the wonder and excitement of what He’s going to do this year and with the hope that others suffering can know that there are so many in the same situation. Mine was as bad as it could get – trust me. And now, it’s ALL different. It’s ALL better. It may not always be this good – but now I have a story to replay in my head, and a reminder of what is possible.br /br /So, 2010. I’m glad to meet you. My husband has just one job, and it couldn’t be more perfect for him, as the Youth Director of our church. We wake up smiling – no kidding. I’ve got a wonderful platform to grow and build my business, lots of ideas to share and a great schedule to do it in. My girls are happy and healthy, go to a great school, one has been accepted to her perfect college. I have a lovely house, less stuff, less to clean, with lots of open space to entertain and I have Youth group kids running all over all the time. Money’s tight, but I’m rediscovering that I love to cook again. I’m meeting and getting to know new friends every day – and I get to keep the good friends from the “old country” that were my true friends to begin with.br /br /I can’t WAIT to see what 2010 will bring. br /br /div class=”zemanta-pixie”img class=”zemanta-pixie-img” alt=”" src=”http://img.zemanta.com/pixy.gif?x-id=67f28512-b870-8cd6-80bc-33b5f798d67d” //div