Dalai Lama’s 18 rules for living

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Dalai Lama’s 18 rules for living

At the start of the new millennium the Dalai Lama apparently issued eighteen rules for living. Since word travels slowly in the digital age these have only just reached me. Here they are.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
1. Respect for self
2. Respect for others
3. Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

I miss my Grandma.

Gloria Rita Goss (January 6, 1930 - October 17, 2007) Surrounded by her loving family at home, Gloria peacefully passed after long courageous battle with lung cancer. She was a longtime resident of Lake Arrowhead and loved her mountains, lake, family, neighbors and her cottage in the clouds. With a career spanning more than 55 years, she managed several successful mountain institutions, including the Lake Arrowhead Country Club, Monte Corona, Lake Arrowhead Yacht Club and the Ice Cream Castle. She also contributed to the success of the catering departments of Snow Valley, The Lake Arrowhead Hilton and The Original Villager.

She is remembered and loved by her two daughters, Christina Jones Connolly and Cynthia O'Kelly, Son-in-Law Patrick O'Kelly, Granddaughter Michelle Honiker Yarbrough and her husband Kenneth, their daughters Kelsea and Cathryn Yarbrough; Grandson Jeremy O'Kelly, his wife Cheryl O'Kelly and their children Chloe, Quentin, Cade and Phoebe; Grandson Matthew, his wife Haley O'Kelly and their daughter Jasmine; Amanda Woodgrift and sons Cody and Austin O’Kelly; Grandson Daniel Lyons; Grandson Robert Connolly, III; Granddaughter Katie O'Kelly, Dave Motley and their daughters Amelia and Cassidy Motley.

She is preceded in death by her beloved mother Gloria Benitez y Munoz and sisters Mary Frances and Rosemary as well as many long-time friends from her days with the Elks Lodge, Bowling Leagues and Senior Center. Her family is certain she's already won several after-life Bingo games and has Mickey Haskins hopping mad. GG wouldn't have it any other way.

She will be forever remembered as a strong-willed woman, full of life, mischief, fun and determined to do it her way. Her unrestrained passion for the Los Angeles Lakers will be greatly missed by best friend and fellow unofficial “Laker-girl” Betty Baumann.

The Family wishes to thank The loving staff of the Palms of Loma Linda, and Director Carla in particular; Loma Linda University Medical Center, Dr. Gregory Cheek, Dr. Shawn Ifkitar, The Intensive Care Staff of Unit 7200, and most especially Nurses Donelle and Brigid who helped fulfill her wish to come home and take her last breath of mountain air in her mother’s bed.

A Catholic Mass will be held at St. Andrews by the Sea on North Padre Island, Texas where she spent many wonderful times with her family over the past 7 years and a memorial gathering will be announced at a later date.

In Lieu of flowers The “Gloria Rita Goss Scholarship” has been established at the Port Aransas Children’s Theater. Visit www.portaransascommunitytheater.com for more details.

I Can't Make This Up.

I can't make this stuff up. I often sit and wonder if my friends and colleagues think that I'm the girl that has those small things happen in life, but when retelling the incident it becomes embellished and bigger and bigger the more times the story is retold.

So, here are the facts. I'll simply report them.

January, 2006 - Houseguests/Friends/Business partners moved out of our home after an 8 month extended stay to help them get on their feet. That business folded, I am financially liable for more than $20,000 in debt.

February 2006 - My grandmother collapses while visiting my Mom in Northern California and is care-flighted to Reno. I fly from Texas and spend a month at the Holiday Inn getting her off a ventilator and into a rehab.

April 2006 - On the flight home, I stand up to get my laptop and tear my ACL, surgery needed and rehab started, but not completed. My volleyball career is officially over.

May 2006 - Hubby retires from teaching music to help run the business. Health Insurance is now on COBRA, just to offset medical cost from blown knee.

June 2006 - My Dad passes away unexpectedly at age 56 after beating cancer. Side effect of chemo is heart arrhythmia which results in heart attack the night before discharge. My grandmother, fresh from rehab, is diagnosed with cancer the same day my Dad dies. I fly from Texas in time to say goodbye to Dad and plan to stay the summer to take care of his affairs.

July 2006 - My Mom has a nervous breakdown and leaves my Grandmother in my care. Her home, and all her doctors for Proton Radiation are in Southern California. My home, husband and kids are in Texas. I stay to see her through it all with husband's blessing. He holds down the fort in Texas.

December, 2006 - Grandma and I drive cross country, with doctor's blessing, to have Christmas in Texas. She develops a minor cold, which becomes a massive infection, and the paramedics rush her to the hospital Christmas morning before the kids even wake up.

January, 2007 - The house in California floods from a burst pipe. It will be 10 months before its habitable. Grandma stays in Texas with me until March, then we drive her home and she checks into assisted living close to doctors while contractors finish house.

May 2007 - Other family members in California are telling Grandma her house is almost ready under their supervision. A family friend takes her to see the house on the sly and discovers that the house is down the studs, sits with no work, completely mildewed, and no one overseeing the contractors. I start commuting back and forth from Texas.

July 2007 - Husband takes over project, starts planning to move everything out of storage, including Grandma. He brings her home for weekends while he builds a new deck with a ramp and landscaping for her to enjoy. She doesn't have much time left, we're told. Its a race to get her home.

September 2007 - With only one more week before move-in to her finished home, Grandma collapses and is placed on a ventilator. The doctors call me to come from Texas. Its discovered when I leave her room from that point on her blood pressure spikes dangerously high. I am her new roommate in the hospital. She begs me to take her home.

October 2007 - We finally get her off the ventilator, and fairly stable, and I bring her home with hospice. She pulls her feeding tube out during the first night, gives it to me (sleeping next to her) and quietly tell me, "I'm done" and passes peacefully later that afternoon. She got her wish to die in her own bed, in the mountain cabin she lived in for 55 years. Five days later two wildfires come within 2 miles of the house. I remain in the house despite the mandatory evacuation order to keep the newly renovated house from burning to the ground.

November 2007 - I finally come back to Texas, sick from the smoke from the fires. Server crashes the following week with 11 days of business insanity. The worst in the history of our business, in fact.

(* Note: I've edited some of the dates to keep track after this original post date, in case you are confused by my sudden power of clairvoyance.)

So, the moral of this story is - I don't know. Roll with the punches? Define your own normal? Embrace every day? For me, I thank God. It seems weird, but I know that throughout all the strife I've come to realize what's important and what's not. Who is important and who is not. What is worth fighting for and what is not. I don't understand the "why" of everything that happened in the big-picture scheme of things, but I'll embrace the fact that I really do live on a lovely tropical island, with my husband of 18 years, and my two amazing daughters and I have very, very good friends that mean more to me than the ones that I'm related to by blood. I will have a very hard time making a house payment for a while, but we'll get through this - we've gotten through worse, and I've definitely learned to NEVER say, "It can't get any worse".

Because it can, and sometimes does.

However today the beach calls. Must answer.